'Splendid,' the Professor says. Always splendid. He asks how I am. 'I
feel like death,' I tell him. 'Splendid,' he replies.
She lay in bed some mornings thinking of what could have been,
thinking of what never happened. Hoping for better. Tiny little people were living in my house. I don't care what you do,
I said. Just don't freak me out. Okay psycho, one of them said. Smiles all around. Everyone was smiling except me. 'Why aren't you
smiling?' they asked. 'I'm smiling on the inside,' I replied. I hear your voice. I stare at you, unable to speak. At dawn you will
vanish into the morning mist. And I will be alone. I see her face everywhere. Even the middle aged business men on the
train are wearing her head, smiling at me like they know. I woke in hell. Why am I here? The devil walked past in high heels and
fishnet stockings. "Because you're no angel," she said. He was a human sex machine, The Love Terminator. After their love
making she said she loved him. He replied, 'Does not compute.' 'Make me laugh,' she demanded. 'Make me tell crappy jokes,' I replied.
And she laughed. I hid Dad's shoe polish. I cut holes in his shirts. Then he had a
fight with Mum and left. I just wanted him to play with me. I am like lightening. Devastating. Unpredictable. Leaving disaster in my wake. I drove into the desert to find myself. When I was completely lost I
pulled out my GPS. He sat on the pavement with his head in his hands. She waited by the
bus stop. She didn't love him anymore. "What's the password?" I said, as we approached the safe. He replied,
"The year of your death." On this beautiful summer's afternoon I'm reminded of that day we spent
together here. Before you dumped me. Before I cheated on you. There's a place in your dreams where you aren't betrayed and you don't
get sold short every time. That's why it's in your dreams. She probably likes to think I remember her every day. Actually, the
truth is I forget her a lot more often Of all the things remembered. A touch, a kiss. Your tenderness. Your
giving. And now my heavy heart. All folded in time I wrote myself into my story. I killed the King and married the
princess. My rule was merciless but I lived happily ever after. My ex-girlfriend came out of the bathroom with my best friend. She saw
me and laughed. '"You can't always get what you want,"' she sang. I'm entranced. She's perfect, like a goddess. I bet she floats on
clouds - until she picks her nose and lights up a cigarette Slowly, more painfully than he imagined, he forced himself up from the
wheelchair. He stood for a second and fell back exhausted. He could predict the future. When he saw her in the bar, he said, 'We
are going to fall in love and then you will break my heart.' I got a message on my phone saying that I was a liar. I sent a text
back saying they had the wrong number. He never listened to her complaints. He was too busy formulating his own. My girlfriend looks so beautiful in that blue dress. Or is it red. I
can't quite tell, I'm colour blind. That's always my excuse. "Fly little bird!" the girl says. The feathered body drops to the
ground. She doesn't understand. "It's sleeping," I tell her. My ex dated my neighbour. I heard them. That's so cheap, I said. She
replied, Why do you think I dated you in the first place. I had one last wish before the firing squad. "I want to tell a joke,"
I said. They laughed. "You've just had it." He felt like a prop in her life. She wanted to live in a Lego house
with plastic pets a plastic baby and a plastic husband. "Welcome aboard," said the driver, as the door banged shut. "This is
the bus to nowhere. Goes nowhere, never stops." As I skydived towards Paradise Island, to spend the rest of my life in
blissful luxury - I realised I'd forgotten to pack my parachute.
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